Dawes Family in New Zealand

Until Next Time…

Even before they arrive you know that it will end. Right there perched at the back of your mind is that little feeling of sadness, it makes your heart skip, it brings tears to your eyes and a wave of depression rolls forward. It’s only in the last few days that you re-live the last few weeks in your mind over and over, remembering every touch, every cuddle, every moment you said ‘I love you’ whilst looking into their eyes.

Many times I have talked about living here in New Zealand without any family. We left everyone we knew, family and friends back in the UK and arrived on a strange, distant and lonely land. It’s taken many many years for us to adapt to this and still now it isn’t easy. Just today I had an email from a lovely lady in the UK who’s husband is Kiwi and he is potentially thinking of moving back to his home land, as I read her heart wrenching email which described how much she would miss her parents I could do nothing but sympathise and write to her from the heart, I hope it helped.

So its been nearly 3 weeks now since Lynn went home, how times flies. I don’t really know why time has to fly like it does, we had the most amazing two weeks yet they went past in the blink of an eye, it literally felt like it anyway.

The trip to Ruapehu is something we will all cherish forever, we had the most brilliant time, purely honest enjoyable time together. The last few days were wonderful too, but that lingering knowledge of the impending goodbye was circling like a fog cloud and it followed us everywhere we went. We found ourselves laughing less, staying up later to be together and talking non stop, trying to fit in every last breath we could.

On the Friday we took a trip up to Staglands, a venue we have visited many times but somehow Michael had never been to – so it was a treat for him and Grandma. As always it was just wonderful, the change in seasons evident as the grass was grey and leaves scattered the path way. The ground was slightly wet and cobwebs hung with rain drops that glistened against the cloudy sky. It was a warm day with many laughs along the way for the usual animal creations that were there – pigs with gnarly faces, donkey’s that made ‘bottom noises’ and sheep that would eat your handbag!!

That evening we risked giving Bethany a late night and went to the Ascot Cinema and watched Ice Age 3. A gorgeous little cinema with comfy sofa type seating and side tables to hold your wine that you are allowed to take in – bliss! Bethany snuggled with Grandma which was a heart warming thing to see.

After the movie we headed to Furnace where we were to have our last meal out together, a celebration of our time together and a time to say goodbye. Bethany enjoyed making her own pizza and was extremely well behaved despite her late night.

The morning came and that feeling was there, the one we dread and the one we have experienced many times. Of course I personally was going to miss Lynn, she is an inspirationally beautiful lady and I am very lucky to have a wonderful mother-in-law, but deeper than that I felt the connection to my own parents having her around. Just being able to talk to her about every day life, have a cuddle and create a bond linked my heart to how much I miss my own parents, with her gone I knew that I would lose that ‘connection’.

Without going into detail the goodbye was as you can imagine horrendous. Clutching hands, strong cuddles and wet teary faces followed, to see Bethany so emotionally devastated was the hardest ever, the questions of why we moved here raised their ugly heads again, and guilt washed over us as we knew the pain we were inflicting on those that loved us so.

Silence followed us from the airport, tears never ending. Sobs from Bethany broke the thick air as we drove to our usual goodbye spot at the airport lookout. Why we torture ourselves with watching the plane leave we will never know, but its something we have to do.

As we watched the plane come down the runway slowly making its journey towards us for take off, the most surreal thing happened as a family pulled up beside us. Kids bounced out of the car so very excited to see a big plane and to watch it take off, in that moment that one spot which has held so much sadness was also filled with shrieks of joy and laughter from people in a very different situation, standing side by side with them we hid our tears as best we could, we took one last wave, one last cuddle and we headed home.

We miss our parents so much its purely heart breaking.

Thank you Lynn for the time you spent with us, memories we will treasure forever. Your words of advice and wisdom were listened too and you are always in our hearts. Thank you for strengthening our connection and we will hope to see you and everyone else we love so very much again soon.

As hard as it may be we must always try to remember - do not cry for it is over, smile because it happened.