Dawes Family in New Zealand

The Better Direction

You may have heard me mention before that I am a huge believer that sometimes things happen for a reason, that life takes you in a different direction on purpose, and that at these moments we should not fight against what doesn’t feel right, but actually just go with it - because reality being, sometimes we have no other choice.

I recently mentioned that I had been made redundant from work, the thought of being out of work was scary, more so financially. I was also bitter too, to start with I was annoyed with my employer, I knew the real reasons for the supposed redundancy, and I was angry at the fact they hid these reasons behind an unnecessary ’restructure’. The first few weeks after the news I was finding it difficult to function, I hated going to a place that didn’t want me, I was finding juggling home life, childcare, dogs, and my sanity very difficult and became quite depressed about it all. The added concerns around a reduced income climbed on top of the already painful pile and I really didn’t know what to do.

Inspiration hit me in many forms, my mother who I adore greatly for always being my life line, and my mother in law who always sees a positive in the darkest of times. My friends who are dealing with emotional hard times yet felt the courage to lend me a shoulder, and the words of my own daughter who said she liked ‘happy mammy best’, all backed up by the support of my husband, made me search for that person I really am, the person who always sees the positives and is happy. I shook off the gown of stress, and I made some steps towards something very different.

To be absolutely honest I had found the last year of work quite tiresome, although I actually really liked working where I did, the people were amazing, the relaxed working attitude and the laughs were priceless, however I never really felt like I was ever really there. I would moan about it a lot, I would tell Michael and my friends everyday how fed up I was of the place and how mind numbingly boring my days had been. I never left for the day feeling a sense of pride that I had made a difference that day. Even though I had a high profile position, I think from the very start the company never really knew what they wanted, and being part-time meant I was never really a priority, and probably overlooked.

And so came the part where I decided to do the switch, I always like to see things from both sides (some could say its my Libran side) and I decided that no matter how they had made me feel, I was going to gracefully fly my way though this all with my head held high.

Decision times were to be made, when I turned 30 last year I felt the urge to be something different, and to embrace interests I had. With working and having a home and family to run, often we as wife’s and mother’s have to put our interests aside, and this is what I did then, yet this time I thought maybe, just maybe things could happen the way I would like.

Weeks of enquiries followed, gathering information, working out lifestyle, moving financial numbers and finally I had decided it could work, it was going to be hard, but it could work. So in July 2010 I officially become a student, I will be doing a Bachelor of Science, majoring in Biodiversity!

Even though we have been sitting on this for over a month now it still seems so very strange to say, yet feels so right. The absolute added 110% bonus is that the 3-5 year full time course can be done extramural, meaning I can now juggle Bethany, life, and home around this. This decision has been the hardest yet most amazing thing ever. I know there are a lot of people out there going through studies again, and I must say its been absolutely inspiring to meet other mothers in the same position, and its funny that as we talk, we all have the same stories to share of how we gave up ‘our life’ the day our children came along.

I would however not change a thing, I cannot see myself ever being one of those career driven women, I do in fact enjoy looking after our home and our daughter, I actually love being the ‘housewife’, but what I also will now love is just being that little bit more, having something that is just mine. As crazy as this sounds I have a thought that Michael could actually do everything that I do every day (including my job), yet I couldn’t step into his shoes, and that really shocked me.  He of course disagrees and finds a full time job much easier than running the house!

Its going to be hard that’s for sure. We have the trip to England later this year and of course financially it may be harder, that’s how it may be for the next 5 years, but is anyone ever in a place where money is not an issue? We are working class people, we will never be rich and we are certainly not lucky, but we can indeed be very very very happy along the path of life.

Onwards to a better future!